2.03.2007

NEW DENSEST ELEMENT DISCOVERY

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Bushcronium."

Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.

These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

The symbol for Bushcronium is "W".

Bushcronium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons in a Bushcronium molecule, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an element that radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.

Bushcronium has recently been found to be radioactive. When its nucleus, or "cronycenter," gives up one of its morons, the element morphs into Bushcranium, which is now known to be the densest element known to nature. However, theory indicates that it can become denser still by yielding more morons.
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9 comments:

Jack K. said...

Ah, the wonders of science.

I wonder if the scientists who discovered this element might have made a mistake about the nucleus. Shouldn't that be nuculus. After all in the W element there is nucular energy.

Just a thought.

Eli Blake said...

And, of course, when it decays radioactively, it also gives off increased quantities of CO2 which contribute to global warming.

And also, being so dense, it has a high specific gravity, which means it draws in matter around it, similar to what a black hole does. Put colloquially, it sucks.

Pete Bogs said...

I hear Bushcronium is highly unstable and dangerous...

Jolynn said...

That is so funny. I can't believe I understood! It's perfect.

Artifacts said...

Very funny. I love the symbol -W.

The Phoenix said...

You should stay away from this stuff. Not only is it radioactive, but vaguely smells of stale bananas and Brut aftershave.

sage said...

it may be radioactive, but it ain't responsible for global warming...

this is a hoot! thanks.

Hale McKay said...

Pretty soon the Scince Channel will be running a story on this. Funny!

Karen said...

If ya can't laugh, what else have ya got!?!

Thx for stoppin' by wonderful friends!