5.05.2006

20 WAYS TO MAINTAIN YOUR SANITY...

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In."

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For Smuggling Diamonds."

7. Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don t use any punctuation

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify that your drive-through order Is "To Go."

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, 'Rock Bottom'.

17. When the money comes out of the ATM, Scream ! "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot.

19. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of sanity...

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!

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18 comments:

Hale McKay said...

How much time are we allowed to complete the list?

Hale McKay said...

I "borrowed" the image of the GOP elephant with the nozzle trunk for my 5/5 post and credited you.

Jolynn said...

I don't think anyone would notice if I did any of those things. Though I might try number 19 on the kids tonight. I hope they get it. That is a really good list.

Jack K. said...

Karen, good to see this one is still alive and kicking. It passed through my email quite some time ago.

I know I can look for it again. It will soon appear.

lol

ttfn

jackt said...

Go to Switzerland and ask everyone you run into why their cheese doesn't have holes. (did that last fall- some were amused, others gave me this weird look as if I were crazy). :)

puppytoes said...

too too too funny! loved 'em all! (actually, sometimes i do start skipping, when i'm out for my jogs and/or walks...just because it's so fun!)

as usualy, you give me a great reason to smile! : D

hope you have a fabulous weekend, too!

margalit said...

Boy, I can see you know how to drive your friends and coworkers absolutely crazy!

Here via michele

The Phoenix said...

That's a funny list! I have to try the diet-water now. Have a fantastic weekend yourself!

Canadian Dude said...

Here's my favorite.... with a straight face at the checkout I say...."do you take cash?"

Eli Blake said...

Canadian dude:

One of my favorites is to go into a supermarket really well spiffed and with a white shirt and tie on, and ask a young assistant grocer,

"Pardon me, do you have the new super-improved triple blade shaving system by Gillette, now with exclusive pivoting action and with unique, patented secure grip handle?" I ask it fast, calmly and flawlessly, with a gently rising and falling voice tenor, just like in a commercial, and sometimes they play along but some of the dimmer ones stand there and scratch their heads, before saying, "What?"

Karen: There is one flaw in your list. It assumes that the readers value sanity, and believe that it is a virtue worth maintaining.

sage said...

why is there nothing in your list about snakes?

srp said...

Here from Michele.
I have always wanted to do the hair dryer thing. You'd have to have some of those fake lights in the back window and a lot of radio antennas on the car.

About the singing along with the opera. My brother can do that. He IS an opera singer in Europe.

craziequeen said...

That goes around us bored civil servants regularly.....

oddly, we usually do some of them.....

[rotflmao]

cq
Here via Michele

keda said...

great list! loved some of the stuff below too! here via michele's*

Lazy Daisy said...

Really funny stuff. Michele thought so too.

Common Sense Beauty said...

Hey some of these sound like a lot of fun! Michele sent me

honestyrain said...

oh my god. that was frickin' hilarious. ha!

here cia michele and glad i came!

honestyrain

Kross-Eyed Kitty said...

Love the quote heading your blog!
Here via Michele's!