The following quotes are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place...

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.


ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?


ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?


ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan.





Jack K. said...

Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle, and a tee hee hee. lol

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The Phoenix said...

Oh man, that's funny stuff.

So that one lady's son is either -7 pr -10 years old???

puppytoes said...

once again... funnyfunny stuff! don't know how/where you manage find these things, girlfriend, but i am so glad you do! you always brighten up a friday (a good thing on a day like this, where it's raining cats and... ahem... dogs in connecticut!) : D

Jolynn said...

My name is Susan. That's funny and yet horrible all at once.

margalit said...

Whenever I read these I think it's kinda sad. I just can't imagine how bad the US education has fallen with such pathetic responses. But they're funny. So funny.

Here from Michele

Canadian Dude said...

Funny and sad.

Eli Blake said...

I fully believe it.

I served on a Grand Jury up until just about a month ago.

And yeah, there were some pretty funny things that people said and did that wound up in the police reports and we heard all about it.
Unfortunately I don't know what I can tell or what I can't, but we heard about people who were dumb enough to take pictures of themselves committing crimes, cases where police were investigating a burglary and said something like 'be careful with that box, that's where I keep my marijuana,' and all sorts of other stupidity that criminals sometimes exhibit.