3.04.2006


If you feel you're not getting a mammogram until 'hell freezes over', you might want to try these ideas first!

Women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test and best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in and around your home.


EXERCISE ONE:

Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five
seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.


EXERCISE TWO:

Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.



EXERCISE THREE:

Freeze two metal bookends over night. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

YOU ARE NOW TOTALLY PREPARED!

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6 comments:

cube said...

Yikes! Sounds like two fruit roll ups when you're done.

Prego said...

when you think of the misery that can be avoided by getting a mammogram, you'd think the ladies would be lining up.

me, i'm dreading the annual coolie check for cancers. i'm waiting for unintrusive technology to be perfected for that.

nice to meet you -
here via michele today.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Really? I thought it was more like fondling, which is what led me to believe that's why the mammologists got into the racket.

rgmb said...

That is absolutely hilarious! I HATE mammogams. You'd think having the technology to put a man on the moon, we could make a pain free mammo. Also, it's interesting that men don't have to undergo testicular exams with the same technology....

Here's me: Time for yearly mammo, run to pharmacy for tylenol 3, pop one, run to mammo, pass out anyway because they need again to shoot the extra magnified film versions and clamp down an extra million years. oh never mind I'm just having a mild nervous breakdown just thinking about it.

puppytoes said...

never have i read a more accurate/hilarious description of this uncomfortable procedure!

and i totally agree with rgmb, cuz ya just know if guys had to put their collective testes/penises through such an ordeal it would be a hell of a lot less...squishy! (kind of hurts to think about it, eh guys?)

still... it does save lives... so i guess that's something!

happy weekend! : )

Karen said...

cube~ what you said or worse!

prego~ i think it's going to have to be a woman who comes up with that.

hoss~ in your dreams! : )

rgmb~ you've documented my behavior exactly!

puppytoes~ there must be a better way...we should create a blog for ideas then maybe we can all become rich & famous!