Things you have to believe
to be a Republican today...

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Daddy Bush made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Baby Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving or military record is none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

You support states' rights, but the Attorney General can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.



Sar said...

Bravo, Karen, Bravo!

sabatkes said...

My grandfather is a republican because they freed the slaves. He told me this when I was in jr.high school.I asked them then, "well what have they done for us lately?" and he just looked at me. I'll never forget that. That was intro into the political arena.

Canadian Dude said...

Reminds me of an old Pogo Cartoon.... "we have seen the enemy and it is us."

Jack K. said...

Karen, I love oxymorons. Thanks.

cd, thanks for the reference to Pogo, one of our nation's most revered treasures, at least for my age group. You might want to check out We have met the enemy.

The Phoenix said...

I'm still looking for the oxymorons...sorry, it's the nit-picky English teacher in me.

Honestly, I don't think Jesus loves Hillary.

And what about insurance companies? Are you tell me that Gecko really doesn't care about me???? Oh, ignorance is bliss.

Jolynn said...

That is a great list! It's fun for me mainly because I'm surrounded by Republicans who have no idea why, they just are because their parents were or everyone else that lives in this state is. Thanks for making me smile!

Kyahgirl said...

excellent list!

Karen said...

sar~ backacha!

sabatkes~ the switch of being the party of Lincoln to being the party of *hate* began at about the time Theodore Roosevelt bolted from the Repub party and was completed when Strom Thurmond bolted from the Dem party.

cd~ you've penned that right!

jack~ "oxymorons" good description and when you take the "oxy" out, it best describes the bushies!

phoenix~ only repubs have a tendency to *judge* whether or not Jesus loves Hillary. Most of the Dems would leave that judgment to Jesus.

regarding Gecko... is your premium on time?... they care!

jolynn & kyahgirl~ glad it was helpful!

Eli Blake said...


That is so good, I think I will use it on my blog!

Eli Blake said...

I also added three:

1. Kids spend too little time studying in school, but it's good if we steal another week for standardized testing.

2. If you are sick, then it's up to you to pay for your medicine, but if you grow it at home, it's a felony.

3. You support democracy around the world. Unless, of course, the people in a country vote for someone we don't like, in which case you're willing to support a coup.

Eli Blake said...


You support hefty fines for radio or TV stations that say bad things on the air, but you believe campaign finance laws and laws requiring candidates to say that they authorized attack ads, are violations of the first amendment.

Karen said...

eli~ love those you added!

jeez, the bushies are soooooooooo bad, we could probably write a book and it would be a *best seller* to the dems, anyway.

btw, would be 'honored' if you use them on your blog.

ffff said...

Oh this is all sooo wonderful. Oh it feels so comfortable on your site even from all the way down here in OZ. Thank you thank you. Can I take some and make them correspond to our nitwit of a Prime Minister??
You are fabulous!

Karen said...

thanks alison! yep, take all you want, the more the merrier! :-)

btw, it's *scary* to think there's another g. bush floating around in the atmosphere.

EAPrez said...

Just as funny as it was when I first read it a couple of years ago.

Hale McKay said...

This triggers a pet peeve of mine. A television station/network accepts money and runs an ad, usually in the form of an infomercial, and then they make a statement like: "The following does not reflect the view of the station or its affiliates."
...Then if you don't believe or accept its content, why in hell are you airing it? I have no problem for them running the ad; my problem is that feel they have to qualify and justify their reasons. Run the damned ad - but omit the qualifier!

Hale McKay said...

Me again. I'm on a roll. ( And those darn sesame seeds hurt my ass.)
...Riddle me this. Aren't newspapers supposed to be impartial? Then what gives them the right to "Endorse" a politician. To me this is a gross case of conflict of interest!

Karen said...

mike~ what sesame seeds and yes, you are on a roll and I love it!

Newspapers endorsing politicians STINK!

sage said...

Good list there Karen!